Smells can make you happy or sick, they can remind you of people or places. I have always had a great nose for smells, I can pick up hints of vanilla or when something is off. I use this skill when I cook for my family since they are meat eaters and I am not. I love it when a smell takes me to a memory.
A little back story, while we were caring for Grand Father Freeman we used CBD & a topical Frankincense to help relax him when he panicked. I put it on him everyday religiously, because we read a study that said it helped mind health. I am not a fan of that smell, but it became his smell and I loved it. When he passed I kept it and when I was missing him I would open it. Smell him and have a little cry.
Yesterday Facebook memories reminded me of Freeman and Baby T-REX watching cartoons and eating snacks together. I missed him. Today I opened his frankincense and instead of going back to that place of sadness. I went to a place of love and acceptance. it was like he was giving me a hug that I desperately wanted and needed. I sat and had a little cry.
I have had people say you weren’t close to him so why are you grieving. That is probably the single most hurtful thing said about our relationship. We didn’t know each other before his accident that took his mind, but that doesn’t mean We couldn’t love each other. Yes, I guarded my heart for a long time because we knew he wouldn’t live forever and he couldn’t remember me 90% of the time. I took care of him, I bathed him, I made sure he was safe, I read to him, I was the only one who could calm him when he was scared. I loved him and in the end, I know he loved me. He didn’t have words at the end, but his eyes told me.
The thing about grief is it is never-ending, you can be 55 and still miss your mom who has been gone for 20 years. You can be 80 and missing a baby who was born sleeping. Our society tells us it ends and we are taught to hide it. Push it down don’t let anyone know. I say don’t hide it, speak their name.